Warning, this is a long post mostly of my musings lately =)
Last night my mother in law (best one around =) and I went to see The Help. It was great! The whole movie I was struck with 2 things. 1-How could people treat other humans so terribly and 2-I want to make a difference!
Since I was a little girl I have always been happiest when I feel like I am making a difference. I've had to process, often, do I love this feeling because I am prideful and love the praise or do I really want to make a difference for the Kingdom and the King that I serve. I strive for it to be the latter. In the last few months as I have been thrust into this new phase of life (stay-at-home mommyhood) I have encountered feelings I didn't expect. Being a nurse I was able to make a good amount of money in a short amount of time. It was definitely the wisest choice for our family. As a nurse I would often hear the praises of my patients (or there parents) and feel like in that moment I was making a difference in their lives. I also went into nursing because I wanted be useful in missions. I was able to take a few trips as a nurse and care for those who had never received any kind of medical care....it was AWESOME! Even with all of that all I wanted was to be able to stay at home. I would often have to repent for my bad attitude towards others who were able to stay at home. Well, my time came with my sweet little surprise. With 4 kids under 4 it didn't make too much sense for me to go back...with what it would cost to have someone watch so many kids and the stress involved it wouldn't be worth it. We just decided to cut back and have me stay home.
As my due date with Jude drew closer and I knew my working days (as a nurse) were coming to an end I started struggling. The response I would get when I told people I was a nurse was very different from the response I now get when I say I'm a stay at home mom. I started to wonder if people would think I'm not as smart because I'm a stay at home mom, would they think I'm lazy because I stay at home now, was I valuable now that I was going to stay home and inevitably lose my nursing skills, was I still going to make a difference? As I prayed through all of this I was reminded....my home, husband, and my children are my "job" now. If I do my job well (by God's grace!), if I invest well into my children and husband I can make a difference! I want my children to make a difference for the kingdom...how will they do that if no one teaches them! When they leave my "nest" I want them to love Jesus and desire to be effective for the kingdom...however that looks for them. It is definitely not glamorous (not that being a nurse was =). I work harder staying at home than I ever did as a nurse. It takes a bit more thought on how to make ends meet without my income, but I am grateful that in this season my job is mommy. When I hear or see my children reflect Jesus in little things I am comforted and reminded that this is the BEST job!
So, as the movie drew to a close I was reminded that my life and the difference I make probably won't be made into a movie (sometimes I do feel like I could be a TLC show though =), but my prayer is that with the Lord's help the legacy I leave my children, and hopefully they pass onto their children will make a difference! So on the days I feel like all I do is change diapers, do TONS of laundry, clean and organize the same things (I'm like one of the maids in the Help =) I want to look at my husband and children and remember in each one of these things I am making a difference!