So, the last few weeks I’ve been hit with a few situations where some moms I know have really been struggling…really struggling. Struggling with the load of being a mom, struggling with having to look like they are keeping it all together, struggling with the thought that this may not be what they want, but not feeling comfortable telling someone until they are completely broken to the point that they don’t care anymore. As I hear about these things my heart breaks and then I question, “why is this happening, where are all the people around her that should recognize she is breaking?”
As I have thought and prayed about these things a few things have really stuck out. DISCLAIMER-I know and totally agree that my walk with the Lord is paramount to keeping me from this breaking point, but sometimes my walk with the Lord is not where it needs to be and I start to falter. As I have thought about this and decided to blog about it, know that in all of this I know that this is the foundation, but I also think a few other things factor in. So, I want to encourage everyone, not just moms or women with a few thoughts.
One, Social media….SO MUCH SOCIAL MEDIA! Don’t get me wrong I love it. I love being able to post about my life, I love to be able to see other people and how they live and what is going on in their lives, but if you are like me, when I look at all the facebook or instagram posts, in my subconscious I think, “obviously, their house is spotless, their kids are playing peacefully together dressed in perfectly matched clothes and a pinterest dinner is simmering on the stove.” Now, if anyone lives a life like mine the reality is my house is a wreck, if I can even find all of my children they are bickering or “playing” together making a HUGE mess and I’m trying to figure out if the random hodge podge of food in my fridge will make any kind of edible meal. Let’s be real, social media is not reality, but in moments of weakness and self doubt, when I scroll through my news feed I’m sure that I’m failing at this and just about any of my 500 “friends” are doing this much better than me.
Next, I am a people pleaser. I want everyone to like me, I want everyone to think I have it totally together and that I NEVER need help. The last few years, by God’s grace, I have learned the suffocating pressure of this and worked hard to “be real” with those around me. It may mean I look a little crazy (let’s be honest, this is most days!) It means some days I workout at 7am and don’t get a chance to take a shower till way later, so if you want to hang out I’m gonna smell bad and not look very cute. It may mean if you come over and play, as hard as I try, my house WON’T look like Pinterest puked organization in my house. In my few years of learning this, it is super humbling, but so freeing. STOP putting pressure on yourself to be perfect! You will fail! Work hard. Work to make your home run smoothly, however that looks for you, but don’t feel bad if that looks different than your friends or your pinterest page. Do your best, but don’t let the failures define you!
Along with this “real” living I have been blessed with some amazing friends who I can call and either just talk about life and that this is hard or some that will come over take my kids, clean my house, or cook me food. This is ESSENTIAL in this survival. This season of raising a family is awesome. I think this is one of the hugestparts of all of this. We, and right now in my life it’s moms, have to find friends or a community that supports us when we are falling. We have to stop living in this false reality and recognize when others are struggling. Inversely, we have to be able to call and say, “I’m struggling right now, I need help, and when you come and help I need to know that their won’t be any judgement.” I was telling a friend recently, maybe we need to make a code word for when we need reinforcements. If we surround ourselves with a community like this, with a support system like this I’m thinking our “facebook” reality will look a lot like our real reality.
So, if you are at a place of brokeness and you feel like you are drowning, find a friend. If you don’t have one message me. I may not be close and can come grab your kids or make you dinner, but I can pray for you, I can talk and let you know you aren’t alone. Stop playing pretend and be real.