Standing at the Alter

For the last 8 months Clay and I (and all our little people) have been preparing for what could be a life altering change to our daily lives. We have been preparing, praying, seeking counsel, and waiting on God to make the move. This life change would be so rewarding, yet so exceedingly hard at the same time.

I think I have said it in a previous post, but Clay and I make decisions, big and small, probably very differently than most. We try our very hardest to be wise and methodical. To seek the advice of those more experienced and wiser than us. One thing we don't do is make a decision because it seems to be the easiest or the one that makes the most sense in most normal people's eyes (I think it is crystal clear we are far from normal). Clay and I feel that, while those pieces of a decision definitely factor in, they are not the deciding factor. Just because something is hard or just because most people think you are crazy doesn't mean you shouldn't do it. What a boring world this would be if everyone stayed inside the box!

So, back to the last eight months. Clay and I were presented with, what seemed to most as a crazy thing, but, in true Nettles fashion, Clay and I felt God's leading, so we prayed and pursued. If clay and I agree on a decision (as crazy as they usually are) we tend to live by the statement "Love God and do what you want." I think this was a quote from one of Clay's theology professors, but I really don't know. If we feel God is leading us we don't do a lot of over thinking and just move forward knowing God is in control and will open doors that need to be opened and close doors that need to be closed. This is a super cute sentiment in theory, it is enormously hard and painful in reality.

What happens when you pray, and worry, and prepare. When you lay down idols because you recognize the sacrifices at hand. When you fall deeply in love, when you risk great painfor the hopes of future joy. What happens when you get to the alter, you are ready, and God says no. How do you process this. I don't know the answer to this. What I do know is I must still believe that God is good. I must still believe that, for all involved, he loves us more than I ever can imagine and he only wants my best. The crazy thing is, what I think is my best is often not what God thinks is my best. This is hard.

So, does this mean Clay and I won't take the road less travelled. Does this mean we won't open ourselves up to pain if it is what God has called us to. No, their will surely be trepidation....I think that is only human, but we will CHOOSE to fight for eternal perspective. I may not understand on this side of heaven the purpose for the last 8 months of working and preparing our hearts only to be told no at the very bitter end, but I will find rest in the fact my story is still being written, and though this part has caused some pain, joy will come in the morning and for that I will rejoice and find rest.