Is it all too much?

I read recently that our brains were not created to hold all the information that is at our fingertips via all the devices and modes of media we have accessible to us. I did a simple google search (so much info easily at my fingertips) and found that Medium.com says, “Our brains are not designed to record information accurately and objectively. Trying to take in too much information results in us becoming overloaded and overwhelmed. What’s more, we interfere with what our brains are truly great at —processing information and bing inventive and creative.” A tiny device, we can hold in our hands, can overwhelm us with every possible piece of info, debate, drama, tragedy, social injustice, conspiracy theory, gossip, etc. Are we overwhelming our hearts and therefore becoming ineffective?

I am not proposing that we stick our heads in the sand and pretend everything is hunky dory. Maybe, just maybe we set down our phones, turn off the T.V. quiet all the noise and evaluate if all of this information is making us healthier or is actually harming us. Over the last few months Clay and I have kept the news off of the T.V. I am very careful about what I click on in my newsfeed or on my instagram stories. I am not diluted to the world we live in. The tragedy, the social injustice, the human trafficking, the race issues, “the rona” as my kids call it, or any of the other bazillions of issues that are plaguing our world right now, but what I can tell you is I was becoming overloaded and overwhelmed with all the information. Therefore, I was ineffective in all of the things. Everything was so heavy. How can any of this be fixed? I am so insignificant, what in the world can I do other than be weighted down by it all.

So, this is what I have decided is best for me. I will choose what is my passion. What I will fight for. And it can’t be all the things, and that’s ok, it doesn’t mean they aren’t important to me, but I can only handle so much at a time or I will burn out and then I am no good for anyone. I will also not fight on a social media platform. I will be kind, NO.MATTER.WHAT. This does not mean I will not debate or stand up for what I believe in, but I will do it without attacking another human being, and I will do it in person. I will be kind, dammit. I think that is what I have been so saddened by in all of this unrest. In standing up for other humans and their rights, whatever it is, whatever side you are on, we have become calloused and mean. How does attacking another human help anything? It does not unite or teach anyone anything other than spurring on more hate.

Another thing I always come back to is, no matter how insignificant I think I am and my voice is in all of this, I have seven tiny humans that look to me. If I am drowning on constant, hard, heavy info, what do I have left for them? How will I train and raise them up to be better? Parenting is a full time job, I can not be sidetracked by every rabbit trail on social media that sucks me into a deeper darker place. What I can do is talk to my children. Train my children. Teach them they have a voice and power. Teach them to speak up for those who cannot. Teach them to use their amazing brains to not be overloaded with information, but pick their passion and be “inventive and creative” to solve the problems.

In our house a HUGE passion of ours is foster care/adoption. We believe that EVERY life matters. My mom started a crisis pregnancy center after my older sister was stillborn at 20 weeks. My mom looked at Audrey and recognized she was a perfectly formed, precious human. (This is not meant to be a political post or a debate, this is part of my story.) I grew up being taught that every life matters, inside or outside of the womb. That, then, gave me a vision for what that means after a birth mom chooses life. I can’t be passionate about being pro-life if I am not willing to then come along side these parents that have chosen life and do more. I knew as a young child I was going to be a foster parent and adopt….that has directed our path as a family. Our kids see us walk this out every day. They see it doesn’t just mean we adopt, but we have even chosen to have an open adoption with Knox’s birth mom because her life matters also. It also has opened up new passions and avenues of learning because Knox is a person of color. We are learning, we are fighting, we are advocating for him and others. BUT we are also being careful with what we read, who we listen to. Is it true (not sure about y’all, but that’s really hard to figure out these days), is it just, is it commendable?

On the days you get bogged down, I implore you to put down your phone, take a deep breath and figure out what work you will actually do. How you will do it. Maybe that means going to a protest. Maybe that means figuring out how to be the solution to end human trafficking. Maybe it is talking and training your kids daily to raise baby world changers. Do it in a way you would want someone to teach and educate you…..At the end of the day, as best you can, be KIND and show GRACE. I get it, people are a** holes a lot of the time, especially behind a screen. Block them or walk away, do not cast your pearls before swine. Those kind of people don’t want to be educated, they just want to fight.

I’m not exactly sure who will read this, or why this has been on my heart all day, but just remember, you are significant, your life does matter, you do have value and we can all make a difference in this wild world if we look up from our screens once in a while and look at the humans we actually want to make this world better for.

A few tips if homeschooling is on the horizon.....

So, hopefully, for whoever is reading this, you know that I do not come from a place of expertise or illusion I have this all figured out. I come from a place of trial by fire, maybe this will work, maybe it won’t, let me watch and learn and try and try and try and try again. I’m about to enter year nine of homeschooling and, in God’s sense of humor, no year has been the same. There is no coasting in this homeschooling journey (yet…probably ever), because life just keeps changing and morphing. Kids keep growing, we keep adding kids (not anymore…we done…), business changes, pandemics come, hurricanes, moving…..when I write this I’m convinced Jesus is surely coming back! Anyway, my hope in the next few blog posts is to organize a few thoughts, things I’ve learned along the way, curriculum that has worked for us and just generally develop a helpful resource for some of you that may be embarking on this new journey of homeschooling thanks to these wild times. My heart is for Mamas to not only survive this season of life, but enjoy it. Ironically, I’ve learned I have to be intentional about this or the days slip by with me in a robotic, grumpy trance just surviving each passing minute.

So! for this blogpost, I’m going to just give you some things I’ve learned in the last 8 years that have helped me IMMENSELY each homeschool day. I’m planning to attach the core curriculum I use in the resource section of this blog and also on my instagram page…but let’s be real, I have 7 kids and am technolicially challeneged, so we’ll see how that goes.

OK! so here goes……

• Start and end each day with the mantra, “I’m doing the very best that I can do.”

  Ya’ll, This past year we have been thrust into situations that have no real good answer. We are just doing the best that we know how to do to keep our families happy and healthy in a bizarre time. Throw in the fact that no matter what decisions you make regarding your family, if you have any kind of social media access someone or some post will surely, at the least, make you question that decision, at the worst, someone feels like they have the authority to call you out and rip you a new one…..not sure how we signed up for that when we downloaded the insta and just wanted to see funny memes and pictures of friends, but that’s the world we live in. So! Wake up, know you are doing the best you can do, give yourself (and your kids, and your spouse) grace upon grace upon grace and get moving. Check the mom guilt at the door and get your butt in gear.

• Have a plan and a schedule.

  I am good at flying by the seat of my pants, but man! I love a good routine. The only way you will survive is to have a plan and stick to it. That will look different for every family. Some do better waking early and getting things done, some do better having a slow morning and being more productive later in the day. Neither is better or worse, just whatever makes your fam flow better. For us, we get up, do morning chores and get moving. That means I have to get up earlier so I can down the liquid gold that is coffee and and calm the inner momster before the kiddos emerge.

• Make clear expectations of what is expected of all the humans.

  This kind of goes along with the last one. When each kid wakes up, we have established before hand what is expected of them. Pinterest is full of charts for kids (and parents) to stay on task. In our house, everyone gets up, gets dressed, does basic hygiene, cleans their space, eats breakfast, cleans up breakfast and is ready to start school by 8:30. If they don't do what is expected each morning, that’s fine with me, they just lose allowance money. Clear expectations WITH consistent follow through of consequences is necessary. Once you get into a routine it really does flow well and things just get done. I have lists for the kids for everything. Schoolwork that needs to get done, how to clean their room, how to clean the kitchen, how to take a correct shower (y’all kids are weird). Clear expectations means they can be held accountable without excuse. This will serve them so well as adults. Now! This does require training. For every list you will have to teach them a few (a million) times so they know exactly how you expect things to be done.

• Make time to train and transition.

  Training takes time. This all won’t fall into place over night. Pick one or two things to focus on each week as you settle into a routine. So, maybe, work on morning routine for a solid week and don’t worry about anything else (except maybe showering….the stench that comes off of my middle schoolers is other worldly). Have grace, be patient and remember that consistency WILL pay off, but don’t expect perfection immediately (or ever actually), just keep working until they realize this shiz is here to stay.

• Forget multitasking.

  I think their is some ingrained superpower that emerges when you become a mom. This wild ability to multitask. I am the queen of it….to my detriment. A few years ago I realized that I was killing myself trying to do all the things all the time. I felt like a ping pong ball, on crack, being bounced around the room, never really making any headway. ESPECIALLY while homeschooling you have to focus. Stop trying to do the laundry, check insta, return emails, pay bills, finish the dishes and teach your kid to read. You can’t, and all that happens is you end up frazzled and angry. So, once your routine is set in the morning, plan to start school and only do school. Put your phone away, try and turn away from the to do list and engage in only school. You will get done quicker and accomplish so much more in a shorter time period.

• Be realistic about time frames.

  I think, as moms, trying to also educate our kids at home, we assume that if school doesn’t take us seven hours we must be failing our kids (I have thought this). This is dumb. We are not in a classroom, we are not trying to educate 27 kids at a time, we are not dealing with behavior issues (that’s a lie, we are, just not with a classroom of kids), our transition time between things is less. Homeschooling will take less time. As a rule of thumb, the time a “non reader” needs with me is about 2 hours (that would be all their school other than a few worksheets they can do alone to feel independent). By third grade to fifth grade, I usually spend another 2ish hours with the child and then they have a list of what they can do independently, I check that, and once that is done they can go about their day. By 6th grade, the kids know what they need to do, I help with any concepts they don’t understand, I check to make sure they are doing their work well and it’s correct, but the hands on teaching is much less. I want my kids to be independent. I want them to be teenagers that become adults that don’t need to be hand held into every situation. I want my kids to be problem solvers. We start school at 8:30 and I need to be done (other than a few checks for bigger kids) by 1:30. I cannot be a kind teacher much longer than that. Doing school all day will just make you and your kids hate it.

• You are the parent. You know what is best for your kids.

  As you navigate this “new normal” remember that God chose you to be you child’s mom, no one else. God knew you would be the best mom for your kids. Don’t look over your shoulder and second guess yourself. You know your kid. If you feel like something isn’t working, revamp, don’t give up. School doesn’t come as easy to my middle daughter as it does for my boys. Its hard for her. I’ve had to try and revamp and try and revamp with her to find what works. What makes her successful. You know what has helped the most….me looking at her and no one else around her. I stopped comparing her to other kids and worrying. When she was four and didn’t know her letters well, a good friend (a really creative a super successful friend) looked at me and said, “don’t break her.” I was so confused, but he went on to say that you cannot teach the creativity that is in her little body, but you can make her feel dumb and less than and that will stifle the creativity. Let her be her and don’t make her fit into the box someone else constructs for her. I remember that every year when I, inevitably, start to question my choices for her. Then I remember, I know her, I’m her mom and I know what will crush her and what will make her succeed. So, we change up the math, read and read some more, and then I let her create.

• Keep it simple

  Ok! last one for now. You do not need 497 boxes and subjects to check. I am not an unschooler, and we follow a curriculum, but honestly, especially when they are young, make sure they get some math, learn their letters and how to write them, learn how to read and then just read. Its wild how much children can learn with directed reading. Again, I’m all for other subjects, just not busywork. We def take more of a one room school house approach in our house. I read out loud a lot to my kids (all of my kids, big and little) and I also have my big kids help teach my little kids. Isn’t that a sign of mastery of a subject? Cooper is a genius when it comes to animals (mostly reptiles….vomit). You know how he learned most of his info, not from me or a worksheet, he learned by reading and then experiencing and then going back and researching some more. Let your kid lead. Let them experience delight directed learning. Again, we follow a curriculum, my kids are used to what is expected of them, but sometimes, especially now, as you transition into this homeschooling thing, keep it super simple and slowly add things as you get settled in the last. Nobody will become a master chef overnight, they have to slowly add skills and techniques and get better and better. You can’t be an expert all at once.

• Give yourself grace.

  Ya’ll, you got this. I’m in your corner. I saw a meme yesterday (lord Jesus their are still a few left on the insta) and it said something to the effect of “don’t make other people think you are awesome, but that if you can do it, so can they.” That is a very loose translation, but basically, if I can do this…..you more than certainly can. It will take some thought, work and discipline, but you CAN do this and you CAN do this well!!!