In the Mess

I often wonder what social media is doing to this world. I wonder what it is doing to our relationships. I wonder what it is doing to our kids. I have a love/hate relationship with it. Mostly hate. We have created a platform that allows us, as humans, to feed what our heart longs for most. Validation, purpose, importance, WITHOUT actually having to have a real meaningful relationship with a human in order to receive these things. As a result, we curate a world for ourselves that is altogether lonely and isolating. To me, it is the greatest conundrum of our time.

I go back and forth between what enneagram I am. Whatever one I am I like to sit back and ask a lot of questions. I like to gather information. I like to understand WHY something is the way it is. I think that is why my relationship with Jesus has been a constant. Not always rich and meaty, but a constant. It’s because I want to know why. Why was I created? What is my purpose? Why do I believe this? Does this make sense? It doesn’t mean I have the answers, far far far from it. Ironically, asking questions often produces more questions, but it does allow me to constantly (hopefully) grow.

Back to social media. As I have grown old (ha). As I’ve tried to understand social media and what its purpose is, I, of course, asked questions. Is this good for me? Is this helping me or hurting me. Is this adding value to my relationships or not? Is fostering a spirit of discontentment? Is this serving a purpose? I’ll be honest. I love a good insta. It’s like a perpetual scrapbook I don’t have to keep. Here is the kicker. Twelve years ago when I moved to St Augustine I decided I MUST fight to be who God made me to be. Good, bad and the ugly. Ya’ll, with seven kids, their is a lot of ugly. If I was going to be authentic to myself, I had to be authentic in all things…that means even the fake social media platforms we have created. So, that’s what you get…a lot of mess. And I’m really good with it now. It’s helped me to realize a few things.

Growing up, my mom would always say you can only have one feeling at a time (I now know this is layered, but I was a kid, and go with me on this thought). If you are really struggling with contentment or just general grumpiness, look outside of yourself and choose to serve someone else. You can only think and worry about caring for that person at that time. The crazy thing, when you CHOOSE to look outward, when you realize you are spending too much time worrying about only yourself (hello! generation who coined the word “selfie”), those feelings shift. Your mindset shifts. Your demeanor shifts. So, how has this translated in the world of social media?

Well, I realized that often, when people post, they want to be heard. They want to be seen. They want to be cared for. They want relationship. We don’t do that well in this culture anymore. For me, if I’m scrolling and I see a post that is vulnerable and real that screams that someone is in a hard season or just a hard day I sit and I pray and think, “if this were me, how would I feel the most loved.” Then I do it. I’ve learned to not ask, I just do it. For me, in this season of cooking for a freaking army, it’s usually just tripling a recipe and dropping it at their door while I’m out running errands. Not cooking when you are in the trenches does wonders for morale. Or asking for their address and sending them dinner via door dash or groceries via Instacart. I do recognize I’m super blessed to have the means to “love” people this way, but it doesn’t have to be a big “thing.” Maybe just a five dollar gift card to Starbucks. Or even a quick PRIVATE message that says, “I’m thinking about you and praying for you.” Just a demonstration that someone in this giant world sees them and hears them, because Jesus sees us and hears us. I actually don’t need to know the person super well anymore…All those social media questions coming in handy. Yes, this can be used for good.

I do not write this to garner praise. I have so much work in my life yet to do. The people that preach this life of ACTIVELY looking for a need, even if it (I’d argue because it) requires a little more work AND DOING IT are my friends in Haiti. An example. The last time we traveled there it was definitely one of the more challenging trips because of the climate of all the things there. Vero, a woman that exemplifies what a servant leader to the least of these is, was leaving the house later then the rest of us. It was extraordinarily hot while we were there and Bailey and I were running out of clothes, but we didn’t tell anyone. Vero, with the tiny amount of time she had, went into our room, gathered our dirty clothes, washed them, folded them, and neatly placed them on our bed. This is Haiti. Not the US and doing laundry. This tiny gesture of her seeing me, spoke volumes of her love and care for me. So simple, yet so profound. She chose to bless me when their were a million other ways she should have chosen herself.

In a world of fake relationships and fake lives on social media, I’d challenge us all to purse authenticity. To have eyes for people that don’t hold judgement, but hold care. That we wouldn’t be so worried about what others think of us, but we would be more worried about how we can love someone else well. To step outside of our perfectly curated worlds and use this weird world of social media to create and authentic space of community. The beautiful thing is, I have been blessed with rich, fruitful, REAL relationships in the midst of the chaos and realness and it, I would argue, is the greatest place to be…because the more I grow and read and learn is right where Jesus always was. In the mess.